TechyDad, Author at TechyDad

The Challenges of Asperger’s Parenting

March 4, 2013 TechyDad Aspergers, Autism, Parenting

There are many blog posts, books, and articles written about parenting a child with Asperger’s Syndrome. There isn’t much written, however, about parenting a child while HAVING Asperger’s. Children can be a challenge all by themselves. When you add in a parent who gets overstimulated, fixated on things, and thinks literally, the challenges are vastly multiplied.

One of the things that a parent of a child with Asperger’s will quickly notice is that their child can focus in on the way they think things should be. The other day, while dropping NHL off in Hebrew School, he walked over to another child’s desk. He wouldn’t listen to me to stay away. The reason for this? All of the chairs were turned upside down on the desks in a certain way (backs of the chairs pointing down on the side kids normally sit on). All of the desks, that is, except for this one desk. This desk had its chair’s back pointed down on the opposite side. NHL had immediately spotted the problem and sought to fix it.

Similarly, a parent with Asperger’s might fixate on the way things should be. This can lead to stress when the fixation involves the child and the child doesn’t immediately conform. All too often, I fixate on one thing and NHL fixates on a different thing. Our fixations clash which leads to a battle of wills with B caught in the middle trying to calm us down and resolve the situation.

Just like NHL fixated on the one desk being out of order, my fixation-of-choice seems to be order. I need things done a certain way and I expect my kids to act a certain way. Some of these things are understandable restrictions, such as when I tell NHL not to put his arms to his side and spin around uncontrollably in the frozen aisle of the supermarket. Some, however, are less understandable and more the product of my own past.

Over the years, I’ve learned how to "fit in" in social situations even if I’m unsure of how to act. Typically, my strategy is to blend in and not call attention to myself. This means not answering questions (even if I know the answers), not volunteering, and not taking the lead.

NHL, meanwhile, takes a different tact. He tries to answer all the questions, volunteer for all of the jobs, and take the lead in everything. This can be very good (as he is very bright and is likely capable of much of this), but this can also put him in situations where his "differentness" has a spotlight shone on it.

As someone who was bullied quite a bit, this spotlight produces a feeling of sheer anxiety in me. I begin to fear that kids will make fun of him and I try to protect him the only way I know how: Trying to force him to follow my "blend in" strategy. Now, I know that this is wrong – I should let him shine and not try to force my ways on him. However, in the heat of the moment, I fixate on how things "should be" (NHL staying quiet and not doing things that might get him picked on) to the exclusion of all else. (Including ways of explaining this to NHL in words other than "do this because I told you to.")

This is going to be a constant challenge with me. I need to keep in mind that my own actions, no matter how right I might think they are, could be causing more harm than good. I need to avoid fixating on one path, no matter how much that fixation is a part of me. In short, I have to parent while taking into account both my son’s Asperger’s as well as my own.

This is going to be tough, but I’m going to do my best. After all, this is for my son and he deserves nothing less.

NOTE: The Autism Awareness ribbon icon above was created by Melesse and comes from Wikimedia Commons.

Cable Deals and Cutting The Cord

March 1, 2013 TechyDad Television

Over the years, I’ve written a few times about cutting cable. There was my initial assessment back in August of 2009 that figured we’d save just under $200 a year. Then, a couple of months later, I wrote an Aloha Friday post to see if anyone else had cut their cable. (Quite a few had or were seriously considering it.)

In November, we got our first Roku box, signed up with Netflix, and I did a four part series on Netflix, Roku, and cutting cable. At the time, I re-assessed how much cutting cable would save us. This time, I came up with a figure closer to $50 a month. This meant that cutting cable would save us $600 a year. It was highly tempting, but the online options just didn’t seem *quite* there at the time.

A year later, in October of 2010, I wrote a follow up about cutting cable. In this post, I pointed out how we weren’t paying for DVD video rentals anymore except (at the time) through Netflix. Instead, we were borrowing DVDs from our local library for free. (Ok, there are taxes we pay that pay for this, but we’d pay those taxes whether we used the service or not. We can’t exactly opt out of paying taxes.) Again, I felt that we were close to cutting, but not quite there.

Since then, the situation has evolved. First, Netflix raised their prices and separated out their DVD and streaming offerings. We made what seemed to be a tough call: We cancelled our Netflix DVD service. In the end, it was great getting all of those DVDs, but they would often sit unwatched for weeks. Meanwhile, Netflix streaming was getting more and more use.

Next, we signed up for Amazon Prime. This was initially to help defray shipping costs if we bought items from Amazon, but it also meant that we got many Amazon Video on Demand movies/TV shows for free.

In addition, Netflix and Amazon have gone on a streaming licensing spree in the past two years. More and more items have come onto streaming. In fact, it has gotten to the point that my boys barely ever switch over to live TV. They are content to watch Netflix streaming shows all day, every day.

On the purchased DVD front, I figured out how to stream my DVDs within my house. This means that we don’t have to root through the DVD cabinet, load the disc, and then put it back when done. Instead, we can select the movie/TV show from an easy to navigate menu and hit play. This will mean that we will be more likely to buy DVDs since the boys can play them themselves on a whim instead of asking us for help finding/loading them.

Also, as my boys have grown, their entertainment tastes have changed. Instead of just sitting and watching TV, they will love playing on the computer, playing on their Nintendo DS systems, playing with Legos, or playing on the iPad. NHL has even discovered books and will spend hours looking through the various books he has. All of these cut down on TV time.

In fact, using our DVR as a guide, we only really watch about 19 shows now. Those can all be viewed either from an over-the-air broadcast, Netflix, Amazon VOD, or the network’s website.

Finally, cable TV prices have gone up. Last year, we were ready to quit, but got a great deal from our cable company. Since that deal was about to expire, I called up to see what they could do for us. The "deal" we were given was that we would pay more money and get slower Internet. When I asked about keeping our "standard speed" Internet, I was given a quote for a LOT more money than what we’re paying now.

At this point, cutting cable would save us nearly $65 a month. That’s almost $780 every year that we could put into other needed areas (or even *gasp* save). Given that we have been using cable less and less, that cable is getting more and more expensive, and that all of the TV shows we like watching are available elsewhere, I’d say we’re closer than ever to cutting the cable cord. Right now, I’d wager that actually cutting the cable cord will be tougher than living without cable TV will be.

Have you cut your cable cord or called your cable company to request a lower rate?

NOTE: The "No Cable TV" image above was made by combining HDTV by jgm104 and No-sign by skotan. Both images are available from OpenClipArt.org.

Test Track Fun – Even When The Ride Is Over

February 28, 2013 TechyDad Disney

Last week, I gave a tour of the new "make your own car" feature in Test Track. Once you are finished designing your car, you wait for your ride vehicle. As you walk up to the boarding area, you tap your white card against a glowing circle to link your car with your ride vehicle. As you do so, others in your vehicle will do the same. Then, you board your vehicle and go for a ride around the track.

The ride is very much like the old Test Track, except much more futuristic looking. There are tests such as braking and steering. There’s a wind tunnel where a stream of "colored air" goes above you as you view yourself in a mirror. As each series of tests is completed, a ranking of the linked cars is displayed. Your car may take the top spot in one test only to fail miserably in another.

At the end of the sequence, like in the old Test Track, you go into a "crash test" where the wall moves out of the way at the last second. Instead of smashing into a wall, you go zooming along a track outside. Here’s a video I made during the Grand Opening. (NOTE: It’s very dark and shaky, but was the best I could do. The actual ride is much, much cooler than this video shows.)

Perhaps the coolest change, however, comes after the ride is over. Instead of just exiting outside or going into the standard store-after-the-ride, Test Track lets you out into a series of rooms where you get to do even more with your designed cars.

First, you can see how your car ranked against other cars designed that day. Next, you can design some car commercials starring your vehicle. After this is an area where you can take your photo with some real cars. (This area wasn’t completely functional when we went so, unfortunately, I didn’t get to try it.)

Perhaps the coolest post-ride feature, though, is the racing game.

That’s ten controller areas around a "race track." The track is, of course, a video game screen.

See that circle to the left of the steering wheel? Simply touch your card against that and your car will appear on the track. You then use the lever to the right to go forward or backward and faster or slower while you steer with the steering wheel. Loop your way around the track, avoiding obstacles, and without crashing into the other players’ cars. (Or crash into them and try to knock them aside.)

With all of these fun things to do, Test Track is going to be a fast favorite with my boys. In fact, I think we’ll have our work cut out for us when we need to drag them out of the post-ride fun to go see other sights.

Disclosure: I was invited to the New Fantasyland media event December 5th through 7th. Disney paid for my travel, our park tickets, room, and a few other items. I was able to take B along as my guest, but we paid for her own travel as well as an extra night in the resort. The opinions expressed above are my own. – See more at: http://www.techydad.com/2013/02/designing-a-car-on-disneys-test-track/#sthash.X23OoG2W.dpuf

The Times That Bond

February 26, 2013 TechyDad Fatherhood, JSL, Parenting

There’s nothing I love more than playing with my boys. When you get right down to it, I’m still a kid at heart and playing with my kids allows me to let my inner child run free. (Letting my inner child run free in other situations, such as the office, just leads to weird stares from people.)

Last night, after both boys were in their PJs, NHL went to play on B’s iPad. JSL, meanwhile, decided to play with me. We crawled under my slanket (yes, I still use that after 3 years) to shut out the light and played with some of his stuffed animals. I took his "super bunny" puppet (a plain, white rabbit puppet that I make "fly" by virtue of the fact that I hold it off the ground) and began to make it speak.

Super Bunny and JSL had a few conversations and then JSL decided to let Super Bunny on a sad fact of life: He is just a puppet. No matter how much JSL pointed out that I was making him speak and move, though, Super Bunny just didn’t see it.

The funniest moment came when JSL decided to show Super Bunny that he was a puppet. He reached for the section where you put your hand in – the read of the puppet. Of course, Super Bunny reacted by moving off – offended that JSL would try to stuff his hand back there. After all, that’s disgusting!

In the end, JSL and I had a blast and he went to bed happy. We even confused B when JSL walked up to her to tell her that you should never put your hand up someone’s rear because you don’t know what’s in it. Sadly, however, Super Bunny has yet to come to terms with being just a puppet.

Purim Time

February 25, 2013 TechyDad Holidays, Judaism

This past weekend, we celebrated Purim. Of all the Jewish holidays, this one is my absolute favorite. And it’s not just because there is very little preparation required unlike other holidays. (I’m looking at you, Passover!)

First of all, you get dressed up in costume. Who doesn’t like that? Plus, there’s something fun about seeing your rabbi dressed up like a Rastafarian and your cantor dressed like Groucho Marx.

Next, there’s the story. Good man doesn’t bow down to evil man. Evil man takes offense and plots to kill good man and his entire people. Plot backfires thanks to the workings of the good man’s niece who happens to have been named queen. Evil man is killed instead. There is much celebrating all around. (Well, except by evil man’s family.)

Then, there’s the noisemaking. Most times, you must keep quiet during a religious service. On Purim, however, you can make as much noise as you like – provided that it comes after Haman’s name was said.

You also get to eat wonderful food. Specifically, Hamantashen. These are triangle shaped to represent Haman’s hat. I guess munching on the hat of your enemy is a sign of victory. Given his state by the end of the story, Haman certainly wasn’t using his hat. (I make pretty good Hamantashen, but haven’t done so in years. I was planning on making some this year, but the stomach bug ruined those plans.)

You also exchange gifts on Purim. Most Jews do this Chanukah, but the only reason we do that is because of competitive feelings with Chanukah falling out around the over-commercialized Christmas. In reality, you are supposed to give gelt (money) on Chanukah and gifts on Purim. Granted, the gifts you give are mostly food. Nothing extravagant. Still, it can be fun to get a bag full of goodies.

Finally, there’s a sacred commandment that you must follow. Most sacred commandments come in the form of don’t consume this otherwise tasty food, attend this long and boring religious ceremony, or spend eight days without bread/pasta/rice. This sacred commandment is to drink: heavily.

The specific rule is that you need to drink so much that you can’t tell the difference between "Blessed is Mordechai" and "Cursed is Hamen." I’ll admit that I haven’t followed this rule ever.Then again, I’m not much of a drinker. So I’ll "lend" this sacred commandment to anyone who is looking for a plausible excuse to get drunk. If anyone asks you, just tell them that you’re helping TechyDad celebrate Purim – albeit a bit delayed. (Better late than never!)

I just wish every day could be Purim!

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