Category: Email

If Spam Were Useful

Email, Spam

envelope_smallLike many people, I get a lot of spam.  Everything from deceased Nigerian princes whose fortunes I can have, international lotteries I won despite never entering, casinos asking me to gamble with them, and herbal supplements to increase anatomical measurements.

Most times, this spam just gets grabbed by my spam filter and tosses in the virtual trash.  I do look through my spam folder, from time to time.  Mostly it is to find any real e-mails that may have been dumped there.  (I’ve lost giveaway wins because the “you won” e-mail went to my spam folder and I didn’t check it soon enough.  Lesson learned.)  Sometimes, though, I just look at the things I’m being sent and laugh.

A few days ago, SelfishMom tweeted: “I keep getting emails for cheap Canadian pills. Send me emails for cheap Canadian Twirl bars and we’ll talk. They’re $2.50 in my ‘hood.”

This got me thinking.  What if could spammers were to send us offers that actually tempted us?  What would those e-mails be?

In my case, the International Lottery “winnings” would vanish to be replaced by “You’ve been one million Unlimited DVC points.  You may use these to stay at the Disney resort of your choice.”  The dead Nigerian princes would disappear and, in their place would be a (very much alive) maid/child sitting service that would offer to watch our children and clean our house for free while my wife and I went out on a date night.  Those herbal supplement e-mails would go away and, instead, I’d get offers for a wonder gadget that could cook a healthy dinner that my whole family would love – and clean up from it as well.

If spammers begin sending these message, I’ll find myself very tempted to click on them, even though I’ll still know I shouldn’t.

What topics would make spam nearly irresistible to you?

In Trouble With THE F(ake)BI

Email, Humor, Spam

While cleaning out my Yahoo inbox, I found this little gem:

ANTI-TERRORIST AND MONITORY CRIMES DIVISION
FBI HEADQUARTERS IN WASHINGTON, D.C.
FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATION
J. EDGAR HOOVER BUILDING
935 PENNSYLVANIA AVENUE, NW WASHINGTON, D.C. 20535-0001
Website: www.fbi.gov
Email:FBIwashington@mail101washington.com
 
 
ATTN: FUND BENEFICIARY,
 
Please note that the F.B.I will be in your door post in the next 7 working days for an interrogation about your involvement in attempt of illegal money transfer in your bank account. It was revealed to our team by the INTERPOL that you were involved in trying to conclude an international money transfer into your bank account without following the due process, thereby, indicating possible money laundering and terrorism sponsorship. Recall, you were asked by the Nigerian Central Bank governor to obtain the Diplomatic Seal Of Transfer {DIST} that will clear you of any involvement in this dastard act but you ignored that.
 
We advice that you contact us immediately as the money have been Stopped and is being held in our custody until you are able to provide us with a diplomatic immunity seal of transfer (dist) within 14 days from the Central Bank Nigeria that authorize the transfer from where the funds was transferred from to certify that the funds that you are about to receive from Nigeria are Anti-terrorist, Drug and  Money Laundering free.
 
To this regards, you are to re-assure and proof to us that the fund you are about to receive has nothing to do with Terrorist, Drug  and Money Laundering fund by sending to us the FBI Diplomatic Immunity Seal Of Transfer(DIST) to prove to us that the fund you are about to receive is legitimate. You are to forward the documents to us immediately if you have it in your possession. If you don’t have it, let us know so that we will direct and inform you where to obtain the document and send to us so that we will ask the bank holding the funds to go ahead and credit your account immediately.
 
However, if we receive a confirmatory message from the Anti Fraud Department of Nigeria Economic and Financial Crimes Commission that you have procured the document or paid part payment for the procurement of the Diplomatic Immunity Seal Of Transfer (DIST) document as directed by the F.B.I, your case will be discharged and acquitted. The choice is yours. Here is email address efcc_nig.org@hotmail.co.uk. Contact them now to ensure that you secure the {DIST} document.
 
Faithfully Yours
Mr. Robert S. Mueller
F.B.I DIRECTOR.

Does anyone really fall for this?  First off, I’m sure that were the FBI really investigating me, they wouldn’t send me an e-mail requesting documents.  Some nice men in suits would show up at my door (hopefully with a search warrant) and would either get me to hand over what they needed or would take it themselves.

Secondly, the "FBI" e-mail address is a Hotmail account?  From the UK?  I guess the FBI needs more funding to set up their own mail servers if they’re forced to use free e-mail accounts from other countries!

Sadly, I know that people do still fall for these kinds of scams.  The economics of the scam dictate that they will keep getting sent.  The scammers can pay $10-15 for a list of hundreds of millions of e-mail addresses.  Then they hijacked computers to send out their "Rich Nigerian Prince Has Died And Is Giving You His Money" scam letters.  They don’t pay much for bandwidth since the hijacked computers are doing all the work.  If they send out 100 million scam e-mails and only 1 hundredth of one percent of the people turn out to be suckers, that’s 10,000 people who will be sending them money.

You can see how their modest investment can turn into a financial windfall.  (I’ve often said that I could easily be rich if it weren’t for this pesky sense of morality.)  Unfortunately, since it remains a money making operation, we’re going to be forced to hit the Delete (or better, Report Spam) key on these e-mails for a long time to come.