Wordless Wednesday: Silly Time With My Boys
Category: Fatherhood
Missing My Wife When The Crisis Strikes
I’m a confident father who is ready for whatever life can throw at me. If my wife wants to go to a family event, blogging conference, or anything else, I’m more than happy to watch the kids solo. Most times, it’s father-son-son bonding time. Fun times at the park, going out to eat, or just hanging around watching TV. These things I can more than handle. I live for these moments. However, when something doesn’t go right, though, I feel my wife’s absence.
Don’t get me wrong. I miss her when everything’s running smoothly. It’s just that, when things are going well, everything’s going according to plan. I’m comfortable on-plan. The boys are having fun, B’s having some much-deserved time off, and I’m getting extra bonding time. It’s win-win-win-win. When bad things start to happen, though, I miss her insights into what we should do as well as her assistance in handling matters. I just don’t feel as sure of myself when flying solo.
On Friday, B left for a family function. That night, after going to sleep, JSL woke up with a coughing fit. It sounded like he was congested and having trouble breathing. I tried getting him to settle, but it wasn’t happening so I pulled him into my bed. Usually, this helps him breathe better since his head will be elevated more. It didn’t seem to help much, though. I was up half the night with him.
The next night, after talking with B on the phone, I tried to get JSL to drink some liquid children’s Mucinex. Now, JSL is afraid of taking this medicine. He’s afraid it’ll make him puke. He’s so afraid that he gets himself all worked up and… you guessed it. He puked. All over the hard wood floor and carpet (and again in the tub. Somehow, he missed most of his clothes.
At this point, he was not only sick, but overtired. There was obviously no way he would take his medicine. Normally, I would change him and then B would stay with the boys while they fell asleep and while I cleaned up the mess. Instead, I needed to stay with them. I tried cleaning up the hard wood floor’s mess while asking NHL to get JSL in his pajamas, but that only resulted in NHL laughing at JSL’s shirt being on backwards. *sigh* Over I went, corrected the error, got the boys ready for bed (teeth brushed and gone potty), and asleep. Then, I cleaned the floor and rug. Then, I cleaned the tub out and reexamined JSL’s clothes just to be sure.
I’m so glad that B’s home again!
A Leaf Walking Trip With NHL
The day after Yom Kippur, we were deciding what to do with the boys. NHL had off from Hebrew School, so this was a rare opportunity to do something fun the whole day. We started it off by going apple picking. Perhaps it was the Irene and Lee rains or perhaps it was the freakish 80 degree day (resulting in shorts instead of our usual apple picking pants), but we didn’t have as much fun. The apples didn’t look as good and we got tired quicker. After much complaining, we called it a day and headed out. Of course, being hot and tired didn’t stop us from picking 39 pounds of apples. Yes, THIRTY NINE POUNDS! Much slow cooker apple sauce will be made.
(As usual, click on the photos to enlarge them.)
After apple picking, the boys were tired and thirsty. We considered going for ice cream, but every place was too crowded. Besides, the apple orchard had affected B’s breathing. (Which was already impacted from recovering from being sick.) We needed a nice spot to relax for a few hours and B’s parents’ house got chosen.
After a short rest, NHL wanted to do something. B and I considered it and we came up with going on a leaf-photography trip together. First, we went home and dropped off the apples. (This is when I weighed them too.) I got NHL’s camera and off we went.
First stop was back to B’s parents’ house to drop off the car. Then, we began walking. As we walked, we talked and occasionally took photos of interesting things that we saw.
Despite the warm weather, there was no denying fall was in the air.
Eventually, we reached our destination: A local pond. As I had guessed, the ducks were spending some time by the shore.
NHL spotted a small playground nearby and I let him play there for a bit. Then, we went back to taking photos.
It was nice spending some quiet time bonding with NHL and he did me proud by spotting some nice shots.
Before long, though, a mistake I made prior to us leaving caught up with us. I had forgotten to get NHL to go to the bathroom. We had no car, there was no bathroom at the pond and we had a good 10 minute walk back to B’s parents’ house. NHL held it in and didn’t complain much as we walked back.
Along the way, we spotted landmarks, like the stairs where we saw a chipmunk hop by as we had walked to the pond.
As we got closer, NHL was definitely slowing down more and getting a bit more cranky (as any tired, potty-emergency-stricken kid might be). Still, he had moments when he’d ask me to take a photo. Like of this tree that he thought looked like a monster.
In the end, we made it back. We had a great time, made some great memories, and have some great photos to boot. I need to take more of these walking trips with NHL before the snow begins to fall.
Temper, Temper
Most people who know me would say that I’m very even tempered. Perhaps to a fault, even. I can take abuse after abuse and keep my calm while trying to resolve the situation. Indeed, if we’re ever in a situation where we need an even head, I’m the person who makes the call. When we need someone to be forceful and perhaps even raise their voice a bit, B handles it. (See? We compliment each other’s talents nicely!)
However, I have a confession to make. I actually have a very bad temper. A horrible one, in fact. The problem is, my temper doesn’t usually flare against people unless they are very close to me.
Growing up, I was bullied mercilessly, but I rarely lost my temper. Meanwhile, my sister could make me blow my top with a single word or action. She was so good at it that she made it into an art form. She would do something to me designed to make me lose my temper. I would blow my top and get physical (e.g. push her down). She would cry to my parents. They would see her down and me standing over her and I would get punished. At the time, I thought it was horribly unfair. It still is, but I understand it more now that I’m a parent. When you have 2 kids with conflicting stories as to what happened, the best you can do is rely on what you have seen occur.
Later, my sister got married and moved out. My father became the person who pushed my buttons. In this case, he didn’t mean to do so. It was just that I was living back at home after the freedom of college and was having trouble following the “it’s my house, you’ll do it this way” rules. So we’d fight (verbally, rarely physically), not talk to each other for a week and then (spurred on by my mother who hates conflict) would make up just in time for the next fight to begin.
Once I moved away from my parents, we got along much better. He’ll still get on my nerves from time to time, but not to the “I’m not talking to you for a week” level. Now, the people close to me are my wife and my kids.
I’ve written before about how I get quiet during arguments with B. This is primarily because of my temper. If I talk while I’m upset and my temper flares, I’m likely to make sweeping generalizing statements that are highly hurtful and not true at all. This will not only hurt my case (nothing shatters your argument more than a poorly thought out personal attack), but will hurt B’s feelings. While it might feel better in the short term to rant and rave rather than hold back, it’s better in the long term to calm down before discussing sensitive topics.
That leaves the kids. Ideally, I’d like to say that I keep an even temper at all times and never yell. This isn’t an ideal world, though. I try to keep an even temper and not yell, but lately it seems like the boys have conspired to push my temper to the brink.
First, NHL will refuse to do what we tell him to do and insist that things have to be done the way he wants them done, WHEN he wants them done. Then, JSL, having just seen his brother get in trouble, will repeat his brother’s actions perfectly. NHL will yell and scream while JSL will make mocking faces. My blood starts to boil as I raise my voice telling them to behave. Finally, I’m yelling outright at them and sending them to their room.
When they’re in their room and I’m calming down, I’ll get hit by a streak of guilt. They’re testing boundaries and need to be given firm reminders of what is and isn’t appropriate, but I feel awful when I yell at them. I *want* to be the fun loving parent who plays with them all the time and has a blast. I don’t want to be the rule-setting parent who comes down hard on them if they decide to scream and try to run away from us in the middle of a store. However, I have to be both. It’s a tricky line to walk sometimes.
I definitely have room for improvement in not letting my temper get the best of me. I’ve had success in the past with the “repeating things three times” method. (Tell them once. Say “Second time… [repeated message].” Then say “THIRD TIME! [repeated message]. Do NOT make me repeat myself AGAIN!”) I need to force myself to rely on methods like that more than yelling.
Do you ever find yourself losing your temper with your children? What do you do when this happens?
Splash Party at the Spray Grounds
Yesterday, B wanted to go see a friend for a quick meet-up and dinner. I was more than happy to watch the boys. Before she left, though, we settled on what I would do with the boys. A local park recently paved over their pool and installed a great splash ground. No, you couldn’t go swimming there anymore, but kids (and grown-ups) could run through the water without fear of anyone drowning.
There was only one problem in this plan: JSL didn’t want to get his face wet. Now, JSL has no real fear of water. When it’s raining out and we’re running to the car trying to stay as dry as possible, JSL inevitably declares “I don’t mind. I LIKE getting wet!”
Of course, when Niagara Falls sprayed us all with a fine mist, he cowered into me complaining about the soaking spray. Where “soaking spray” = “just got us slightly wet enough that we dried off three seconds after the spray ended.” I’ve gotten wetter running through a light drizzle.
I guess the moral of this story is that JSL likes getting wet only when JSL decides he likes getting wet. And, even though he had never been to the spray grounds before, he decided that he most definitely did NOT like getting wet there.
I came up with a plan, though. We went to Target for a few things and we decided to buy the boys a few pool toys to use at the spray grounds (or for when we set up our kiddie pool). I asked JSL if he’d feel braver with some new toys. He hesitated. I added to the pot by volunteering to go into the spray grounds with him. He smiled and decided that he would be brave with a new toy and daddy along for the soaking wet ride.
Once we got home, we geared up, got suntan lotion applied and went to the spray grounds. Once we set up shop (aka put JSL’s stroller with our gear in a nice, dry location), I got one of the toys out and the boys tentatively entered the water.
NHL quickly took to the environment, though he was afraid of going under the water sprayers. When he was young, he dragged me under much worse sprayers at Sesame Place but has since gotten hesitant of them. JSL, wasn’t sure about entering the water at all. I walked in and coaxed him in as well.
It was a beautiful Sunday afternoon, so the spray grounds was hopping that day. I’ll admit that I wanted to take my camera with me to take pictures except that 1) I was afraid of my camera getting wet and 2) I was afraid of looking like a weirdo taking photos where kids were in bathing suits. So I just took a single photo with my camera phone, framing the shot so it’d be clear that only my kids were in the photo.
The boys quickly make a bunch of new friends. Kids would come up to them and ask to play with them… or maybe it was the cool new toys (a beach ball, soft “frisbee”, water football and 2 water balls). Either way, they all had fun tossing the items and then running after them. I even got into the fun throwing (or chasing after) items.
Lest you think it was only me playing with kids, though, I had some grown-up interactions also. I spoke with quite a few moms who were there with their kids. It was wonderful talking with them and seeing the various kids interacting.
Some fun moments (in no particular order):
- PRESS THE BUTTON! – There is a big red button that controls the water flow. Pressing it gives you about 10 minutes of water time. After that, the flow gets cut back and you need to press the button again. This saves water in case nobody is in the splash grounds. You would think us grown ups would get tired of pushing the button so often, but we didn’t. We didn’t press it once. Instead, when the water pressure dropped, the kids all shouted “PRESS THE BUTTON” at once and made a mad dash to be the one who pressed it. NHL got it a few times and JSL even got it once or twice. They were so proud of being the ones to turn the water back on. Water conservation + Extra fun for kids = Double Win!
- The One Year Old – A mom was there with her one year old boy (and a second on the way). He was having fun just sitting or standing in the water. While the boys were playing I chatted briefly with her. Her boy kept smiling at me and it just melted my heart. I just love babies. (Though, no, B and I don’t plan on having another baby!)
- It’s Raining, It’s Pouring – To help JSL get over his fear of water on his head, I playfully picked him up, said “oh no! It’s raining and I forgot my umbrella!” and ran under one of the water sprayers. (One that really came down like rain.) JSL told me he had one and held up a pretend umbrella. When we got out of “the rain” and I put him down, he demanded we run through it again. Bye-bye fear, hello fun!
- Sunglasses Almost Go Bye-Bye – In an effort to show one of the kids how easy it was to stay under one of the sprayers (one that forcefully sprayed water down), I almost lost my sunglasses. They got pushed right off my face, the water pressure was so strong. Luckily, I caught them. The next time I went under that water, I was smart and removed my glasses first.
Before long, it was time to leave. Leaving, however, turned out to be not so easy to do. I first told them it was time to leave at about 4:15. Then, I relented and gave them until 4:30. Then, I got to talking with a mom about some stuff and realized it was 4:35. So I said we’d stay until 4:45. At 4:50, NHL was still complaining about leaving, so I told him we could stay for 5 more minutes if he stayed under the water sprayers (the rain-like ones mentioned above) for 5 seconds. He did it so we stayed.
Finally, it was at 5pm and we really had to leave. They still protested so I told them we could do one more run-through the rain-sprayers. We said ready-set-go and off we went. We came back dripping wet and laughing. We headed for home, but not before I promised the boys that we could come back again soon. Maybe next time B will join us and take photos or, even better, join us in the water!