Category: NHL
The Scariest Moments of My Life
If being a parent has taught me anything, it’s that your scariest moments in life will always involve your children. Thinking back to my pre-parent/pre-married days, my scariest moments involved asking a girl out. It seemed scary at the time, but it was nothing compared to my children’s Top Four (listed below in chronological order):
1. NHL’s Febrile Seizure: It was July 2004. We had just moved into our new house and we were one month away from NHL’s first birthday. We were supposed to visit my grandmother downstate, but the weekend was *NOT* going well. B’s beloved cockatoo, Moose, had taken ill suddenly and passed away literally in her arms. We stayed up late that night digging a grave for him and B was understandably distraught, so we cancelled our trip. In hindsight, it was a good thing.
NHL was playing on the floor like he usually did. I picked him up and happened to brush my hand across his forehead. It was burning hot. I remember getting the feeling that, if I didn’t remove my hand from his head, it would be burnt. Yes, he was burning up so much it triggered my "fire hot" response! We took his temp and it was 103 (if memory serves). We called the doctor and he said to strip him, give him Motrin and Tylenol, and put him in a lukewarm tub. We did all that. While I sponged lukewarm water on his body, B went off to find a towel. I felt NHL’s forehead again and felt it get very hot, very fast. I called for B and she came in. He looked up at her, but there was no recognition in his eyes. Then his eyes rolled back and his head slumped backwards. I quickly lifted him out of the tub and SCARY MOMENT #1 began.
NHL was lifeless in my arms. I seriously thought he was dead. He began to turn blue as we put him on our bed. Then he began to twitch. B frantically called 911. I felt useless. There was my baby in front of me in serious trouble and I couldn’t do anything to help. I searched my memory for something, ANYTHING that I could do. I remembered something about not letting them swallow their tongue. (Yes, now I know this can’t happen, but I didn’t know at the time.) I pried his clenched jaws open and tried to move his tongue out.
By the time the emergency personnel came, NHL had started breathing again, though he wasn’t conscious. We got into the ambulance and headed to the hospital, B in back with NHL, me in the front. Hearing NHL scream bloody murder never sounded so good. It turned out that he had Koksaki virus. That caused the fever which triggered the febrile seizure. That night B passed out from the sheer exhaustion of the weekend’s events, but I couldn’t sleep. I’d look down at NHL sleeping next to us and could feel myself getting more anxious every time his fever went up and less anxious every time it went down. Luckily, after a few days, his fever broke and he was ok.
2. JSL’s First Febrile Seizure: One night, last February, after NHL was asleep, we noticed that JSL was running a fever. We called the doctor and B’s parents. They got in first and the doctor recommended the same course of action that he did the night of NHL’s seizure. I objected to the tub since that’s when NHL seized, but I was reassured that it would help his fever. Nevertheless, I insisted that B have a towel at the ready and not stray from the tub.
JSL went in the tub and after some time splashing, my worst fears came true and SCARY MOMENT #2 began. JSL began to seize. We picked him up, but he decided to one up his brother. Instead of turning blue, like NHL, he turned grey. He also stopped breathing (like NHL did), but didn’t start breathing again on his own. As my mother-in-law did rescue breaths on him, I ran from the front door (looking for the already-called-for-ambulance) and the bedroom where JSL lay. My father-in-law offered to look out the door for me. He meant well but he didn’t seem to understand. I needed to *DO* something. Even if that something was completely useless. If I wasn’t doing something, then I’d be just staring at my baby’s lifeless body and I couldn’t take that at the moment.
Finally, JSL started breathing again and the emergency personnel came. They took JSL to the hospital. I followed in my car with my mother-in-law. My father-in-law stayed at our house to look after the still-sleeping NHL. We spent the entire night in the ER. Literally. At around 4am we were given a room at the pediatric ward. They didn’t know what was wrong and wanted to keep him under observation. It worried them that he didn’t begin breathing again on his own. For the next 4 days, that room was B and JSL’s home. Finally, an ear infection showed itself and could be treated.
3. JSL’s Fall: JSL has had a lot of self-inflicted head injuries. Whether it be him trying to head-butt someone/something, or just trying to run faster than he can, he seems to have a bullseye on his forehead. This usually results in a gooseegg, a short screaming session, and then another daring-do JSL run. This December 2008 night, though, was different. We were at B’s parent’s house with a bunch of her family. Dinner had already been eaten and we were playing for a bit before dessert. JSL was running after B’s father with only socks on his feet. They ran into the kitchen and we heard a loud klunk! B’s father came in carrying JSL and said he went up in the air and hit the back of his head. (This Charlie Brown and the Football.)
He cried for me so I tried to soothe him. That didn’t work. So we figured that dessert would be a good distraction. He refused chocolate. Now we knew something was definitely up. SCARY MOMENT #3 was about to begin. B’s grandmother mentioned that JSL looked pale and then, as the rest of us concurred, he spaced out. Seriously spaced out. We took him into the kitchen, kept NHL occupied in the family room with the TV, and called 911. Tons of emergency workers came out of the snow outside and filled up my in-law’s house. As they prepared to take JSL to the hospital, B slipped on a wet bootprint and jammed her hand. It wasn’t serious, but it’d hurt her for some time to come.
B and JSL went in the ambulence while I went in the car. As I pulled out, and the ambulence pulled away, a neighbor of my in-laws stopped me to ask what was going on. I quickly told her but then excused myself because the ambulence was getting away. The ambulence wound through a bunch of side streets and I did my best to keep up. Did I mention that it had just snowed? No? Well, it did. The roads were really slick and I was afraid that I’d wind up slamming into a parked car while trying to follow the ambulence.
By the time I got to the hospital and got in to see B and JSL, JSL was finally alert. They examined him and determined that his fall had given him a concussion. After awhile, he was walking around the ER both to our delight (he’s ok!) and fright (he’s wearing socks on slick tile flooring!!!).
4. JSL’s Second Seizure: This one is probably my scariest moment ever for the simple facts that it: Happened only a few days ago (Saturday night) and involved choking which scares me to death. We had bought a new bike and helmet for NHL and were trying the helment on to see if it was too small. (It is.) While we were doing this, JSL was playing on the floor about 2 feet away. Suddenly JSL leaned forward and grunted. I first thought he was pooping. He hadn’t gone all day and could be constipated. Then, B realized that he wasn’t pooping. "He’s CHOKING!" She shouted. Queue SCARY MOMENT #4! I ran off to get a phone while B did the heimlich manuver and administered back blows. We had no idea what he could be choking on, but whatever it was wasn’t coming out. I called 911 and told them my child was choking. JSL wasn’t responding and was quickly turning blue.
NHL, spared from the previous JSL scares by sleep or TV, was a full witness to this one. He saw his little brother go limp and lifeless. He saw JSL foam at the mouth. He saw Mommy and Daddy panic as JSL wouldn’t respond. He saw Mommy try to pry open JSL’s mouth to work her fingers inside. She managed to do it, but then he clamped down again, trapping her fingers in his mouth.
I opened the door and looked out for the ambulence. No sign of them. From experience, I knew they were less than 5 minutes away, but suddenly 5 minutes seemed like an eternity. Finally, I heard a siren. I ran inside to tell B that the police were here. NHL ran to the door and shouted at the officer: "He’s here! He’s here! My little brother’s right there!" The officer didn’t seem to do much to help, but luckily the emergency room personell came soon after. They flooded the room and I was quickly pushed away from B and JSL by the crowd. I put NHL on the couch to get him out of the way.
In a display of 5 year old coping mechanism, NHL shifted from being worried about his brother’s well-being to being upset that he couldn’t see the TV. Then, after B’s parents arrived and were getting him ready to go to their house, he began crying. He was upset that he’d miss Hebrew school tomorrow! 5 year old coping again. Your mind can’t handle the big issue so focus on a small one.
B’s father took NHL to his house while B’s mother and I went to the hospital. By this point, we knew he wasn’t choking. After all, he would have been unconscious long before the first responders showed up. In hind-sight, the seizure signs were all there: Clenched jaw, convulsions (though seizing up muscles, not twitching which threw us), foaming at the mouth, etc. Our only question was whether this was a febrile seizure (he didn’t seem sick before) or due to some head injury (see SCARY MOMENT #3).
At the hospital, we got our answer. They took JSL’s temperature and it was 103.5. That pointed to a febrile seizure. They listened to his chest and looked in his ears but couldn’t figure out why he had a fever. After some prompting, they looked in his mouth, but didn’t find anything. They also didn’t do any blood tests. Instead, they gave JSL some Motrin and sent us on our way. Rest assured that an angry phone call is planned.
That’s the end of SCARY MOMENT #4, but not the end of the story. For the rest of the story, head on over to B’s blog and read: 13 Months later – the nightmare returns, Two febrile seizures in less than 30 hours, and Spring FEVER update.
The Death of a Dream and The Adult-Parent Line
We went to my sister’s house this past weekend to celebrate my two nephews’ birthdays. We had a reasonably good time, but there were two snags.
The first involved my older nephew (who we’ll call A). He just turned 5 and wasn’t playing nicely with NHL or JSL. For example, he has one of those pop-up play tents. At one point, NHL, JSL and I were inside it together. He walked up and pushed the tent over on us. Then, when JSL walked out of the tent, A pushed him down so his head hit a table. After making sure JSL was ok (he was), I politely told A that that wasn’t nice and JSL could have been hurt. A responded by putting his foot on my face (yes, touching!) and saying "Smell my feet!" Then he stuck his tongue out at me. NHL told A that he was being bad and had to go to a timeout. I corrected NHL by telling him that only A’s mommy or daddy could send him to a timeout. I couldn’t do that and NHL certainly couldn’t.
NHL had said that he didn’t want to come to the party because he remembered A being mean to him at last year’s party. Now he’s totally convinced that he doesn’t want to have anything to do with A. This saddens me. When I was growing up, my family was never very close. My youngest cousin was 5 years older than me and we saw them only once per year. To this day, I’m ashamed to admit that I can’t tell all of my cousins apart. I wouldn’t be able to name their wives and kids if you made it multiple choice! When I was a child, I made a pledge to myself that my sister and I would be different. We would see each other often and our kids would play together.
The reality, however, is that we only get together once or twice a year. When we do, our kids don’t play well together. A & NHL are seven months apart, so age shouldn’t be *that* much of a factor. NHL is going to be even more leery of spending time with A now and it really pains me. I’m just glad that they get along with their cousin on my wife’s side.
But the bad playtime between NHL and A wasn’t the worst incident that day. That distinction goes to my sister’s husband’s friend S. She is, as my parents put it, "bossy," but what she did transcended bossy and crossed a line. She threatened my child with punishment if he didn’t perform an action. Specifically, she told him he wouldn’t get any cake if he didn’t help clean up. (This is one example. She did this many times that day.) Not only did she do this, but NHL was already helping to clean up. (Which couldn’t be said for A.) And, just to toss some additional salt in the wound, she did this while B was standing directly in front of her! B was dumbstruck by the audacity of a person who wasn’t NHL’s parent or teacher… who wasn’t even a RELATIVE of NHL, threatening to punish NHL *RIGHT IN FRONT OF HIS MOTHER*!
Can you tell I’m really mad about this? After the party, I told NHL that what she did was wrong. Adults can and should help control situations with kids. If you see a kid running or beating up another kid, you’re more than welcome to stop the action and tell the child that said action is wrong/dangerous. That’s called being an adult. You can ask my child to help clean up a mess. That’s being an adult also. But telling my child that not doing what they say will result in the loss of something is crossing the line. Only parents (and a few others) can do this.
Not only are her punishment threats hollow (would she have seriously kept us from giving him cake?!!), but they weaken any punishment threats we might make. NHL might reason that S told him he couldn’t have cake and yet he had cake, therefore, when Daddy says "No TV", he can watch TV anyway. She’s lucky that we were too shocked to actually respond. Next time, I assure you, we will respond and will put her in her place.
How do you handle it when your children don’t get along with close relatives? Have you ever had an adult cross that parental punishment line? How did you react?
Kids’ Culinary Frontiers
Every morning, I read the comics online. I find it a good way to ease into my day. Today’s Calvin and Hobbes struck me as all too familiar. The scene (in case GoComics.com takes it down after 30 days) is set with Calvin asking his mother what’s for dinner. Calvin’s mom responds "Tortellini." Calvin, clutching his neck in disgust, yells "Oh, no. Not Tortellini. I hate tortellini!! Oh, gross! Yecch! Tortellini." Pinching his nose shut, he continues: "Nothing is more disgusting than tortellini!! Can’t we have something else?" When Calvin’s mom tells him "No", Calvin proceeds to the dictionary to look up just what Tortellini is.
This struck me as familiar. I love to cook. Often, I’ll try new things. My most recent culinary experiments involve lentils. Inevitably, however, NHL throws a huge stink over the food. If it isn’t on his "approved foods list" (not available for parental viewing and subject to change without notice), he simply won’t eat it. The most we can do is get him to agree to a "No Thank You" bite. Of course, he then tries to pass off the minimum amount of food in his mouth as his No Thank You bite. No, NHL, one solitary lentil in your mouth is not a "bite." If we do coax/threaten him into eating, he’ll eat very little and then tell us he’s full. Of course, two seconds later he asks if he can have dessert. Kids must have Main Meal stomachs and Dessert stomachs because the former is inevitably full while the latter is on empty.
I’ve read The Sneaky Chef and Deceptively Delicious. While I’ve tried some of those recipes to mixed success, I don’t like the idea of hiding the foods from my son. I don’t want him growing up thinking that chicken nuggets and pizza are the best foods out there and vegetables are to be avoided as much as possible. I also don’t want to have to make two different menus every week: One for B and me and one for the kids. While, I might give them a pass on some of my dishes (say the ones that go heavy on the heat), I want that to be the exception, not the rule.
I also want my kids growing up knowing that trying new foods is a good thing. To this end, I’ve tried to break a long-time hatred I have for all things coconut. (History Time: At a friend’s birthday party when I was young, I was served coconut cake. That night, I got really sick. It probably wasn’t the cake, but my young mind formed a strong bond between coconut and feeling awful.) I’ve gotten to the point where I don’t like it, but I don’t loathe it anymore either.
How do you get your children to eat healthier? How do you get them to eat what you put in front of them without hours of screaming back and forth? Most of all, how can you get little ones (specifically ones 5 years and ones 19 months old) to try foods that they’ve never tried before without first assuming that they are going to taste awful?
So Proud Of NHL and My Nephew
Last night, we had our traditional Christmas meal: Chinese food. First, we ate out at a Chinese buffet. After engorging ourselves on Chinese food (and sushi! yay!), we stopped by a CVS that we saw was open on the way to the restaurant. We walked through the aisles casually shopping. The store’s manager came over and wished us a Merry Christmas. Normally, this is where B or I reply "Happy Chanukah" to gently inform the person that we don’t celebrate Christmas. It’s not that we’re highly offended. It’s more of a reminder that December isn’t solely Christmas territory. For whatever reason – full bellies or the nice way he said it – we decided not to respond in our usual manner.
NHL, however, replied: "Happy Chanukah. We don’t celebrate Christmas. We celebrate Chanukah." I was so proud of him at that moment.
Then he proceeded to inform the manager that we were heading home now to light the candles ("Have Chanukah" in NHL’s terminology). Then he decended into "stream of consciousness talk" where anything that popped into his head came out of his mouth without any regard for other people lacking the references NHL was making. We were leaving by this point and tried to keep NHL quiet on the way out. The manager was nice and didn’t seem annoyed by NHL’s ramblings.
After we got home, I called my parents to see how they are doing. When I told him about the CVS event, he told me about something my nephew did. Apparently, he told my sister to light a fire in the fireplace just in case Santa came down their chimney. When I was a kid, I’d do the same thing. I knew Santa wasn’t real, but just in case he was and just in case he mistook our household for one that celebrated Christmas, I wanted to "inform" him that we didn’t. I guess I wasn’t one for subtly.
We don’t have a chimney/fireplace in our house, so we won’t be carrying on this tradition at home. I don’t know if my sister told him the story or if he came up with it on his own. In either case, I’m so proud of my nephew for carrying on a Christmas tradition.