The Scariest Moments of My Life

JSL, Life, Medical, NHL, Parenting

If being a parent has taught me anything, it’s that your scariest moments in life will always involve your children.  Thinking back to my pre-parent/pre-married days, my scariest moments involved asking a girl out.  It seemed scary at the time, but it was nothing compared to my children’s Top Four (listed below in chronological order):

1.  NHL’s Febrile Seizure:  It was July 2004.  We had just moved into our new house and we were one month away from NHL’s first birthday.  We were supposed to visit my grandmother downstate, but the weekend was *NOT* going well.  B’s beloved cockatoo, Moose, had taken ill suddenly and passed away literally in her arms.  We stayed up late that night digging a grave for him and B was understandably distraught, so we cancelled our trip.  In hindsight, it was a good thing.

NHL was playing on the floor like he usually did.  I picked him up and happened to brush my hand across his forehead.  It was burning hot.  I remember getting the feeling that, if I didn’t remove my hand from his head, it would be burnt.  Yes, he was burning up so much it triggered my "fire hot" response!  We took his temp and it was 103 (if memory serves).  We called the doctor and he said to strip him, give him Motrin and Tylenol, and put him in a lukewarm tub.  We did all that.  While I sponged lukewarm water on his body, B went off to find a towel.  I felt NHL’s forehead again and felt it get very hot, very fast.  I called for B and she came in.  He looked up at her, but there was no recognition in his eyes.  Then his eyes rolled back and his head slumped backwards.  I quickly lifted him out of the tub and SCARY MOMENT #1 began.

NHL was lifeless in my arms.  I seriously thought he was dead.  He began to turn blue as we put him on our bed.  Then he began to twitch.  B frantically called 911.  I felt useless.  There was my baby in front of me in serious trouble and I couldn’t do anything to help.  I searched my memory for something, ANYTHING that I could do.  I remembered something about not letting them swallow their tongue.  (Yes, now I know this can’t happen, but I didn’t know at the time.)  I pried his clenched jaws open and tried to move his tongue out.

By the time the emergency personnel came, NHL had started breathing again, though he wasn’t conscious.  We got into the ambulance and headed to the hospital, B in back with NHL, me in the front.  Hearing NHL scream bloody murder never sounded so good.  It turned out that he had Koksaki virus.  That caused the fever which triggered the febrile seizure.  That night B passed out from the sheer exhaustion of the weekend’s events, but I couldn’t sleep.  I’d look down at NHL sleeping next to us and could feel myself getting more anxious every time his fever went up and less anxious every time it went down.  Luckily, after a few days, his fever broke and he was ok.

2.  JSL’s First Febrile Seizure:  One night, last February, after NHL was asleep, we noticed that JSL was running a fever.  We called the doctor and B’s parents.  They got in first and the doctor recommended the same course of action that he did the night of NHL’s seizure.  I objected to the tub since that’s when NHL seized, but I was reassured that it would help his fever.  Nevertheless, I insisted that B have a towel at the ready and not stray from the tub.

JSL went in the tub and after some time splashing, my worst fears came true and SCARY MOMENT #2 began.  JSL began to seize.  We picked him up, but he decided to one up his brother.  Instead of turning blue, like NHL, he turned grey.  He also stopped breathing (like NHL did), but didn’t start breathing again on his own.  As my mother-in-law did rescue breaths on him, I ran from the front door (looking for the already-called-for-ambulance) and the bedroom where JSL lay.  My father-in-law offered to look out the door for me.  He meant well but he didn’t seem to understand.  I needed to *DO* something.  Even if that something was completely useless.  If I wasn’t doing something, then I’d be just staring at my baby’s lifeless body and I couldn’t take that at the moment.

Finally, JSL started breathing again and the emergency personnel came.  They took JSL to the hospital.  I followed in my car with my mother-in-law.  My father-in-law stayed at our house to look after the still-sleeping NHL.  We spent the entire night in the ER.  Literally.  At around 4am we were given a room at the pediatric ward.  They didn’t know what was wrong and wanted to keep him under observation.  It worried them that he didn’t begin breathing again on his own.  For the next 4 days, that room was B and JSL’s home.  Finally, an ear infection showed itself and could be treated.

3. JSL’s Fall:  JSL has had a lot of self-inflicted head injuries.  Whether it be him trying to head-butt someone/something, or just trying to run faster than he can, he seems to have a bullseye on his forehead.  This usually results in a gooseegg, a short screaming session, and then another daring-do JSL run.  This December 2008 night, though, was different.  We were at B’s parent’s house with a bunch of her family.  Dinner had already been eaten and we were playing for a bit before dessert.  JSL was running after B’s father with only socks on his feet.  They ran into the kitchen and we heard a loud klunk!  B’s father came in carrying JSL and said he went up in the air and hit the back of his head.  (This Charlie Brown and the Football.)

He cried for me so I tried to soothe him.  That didn’t work.  So we figured that dessert would be a good distraction.  He refused chocolate.  Now we knew something was definitely up.  SCARY MOMENT #3 was about to begin.  B’s grandmother mentioned that JSL looked pale and then, as the rest of us concurred, he spaced out.  Seriously spaced out.  We took him into the kitchen, kept NHL occupied in the family room with the TV, and called 911.  Tons of emergency workers came out of the snow outside and filled up my in-law’s house.  As they prepared to take JSL to the hospital, B slipped on a wet bootprint and jammed her hand.  It wasn’t serious, but it’d hurt her for some time to come.

B and JSL went in the ambulence while I went in the car.  As I pulled out, and the ambulence pulled away, a neighbor of my in-laws stopped me to ask what was going on.  I quickly told her but then excused myself because the ambulence was getting away.  The ambulence wound through a bunch of side streets and I did my best to keep up.  Did I mention that it had just snowed?  No?  Well, it did.  The roads were really slick and I was afraid that I’d wind up slamming into a parked car while trying to follow the ambulence.

By the time I got to the hospital and got in to see B and JSL, JSL was finally alert.  They examined him and determined that his fall had given him a concussion.  After awhile, he was walking around the ER both to our delight (he’s ok!) and fright (he’s wearing socks on slick tile flooring!!!).

4.  JSL’s Second Seizure:  This one is probably my scariest moment ever for the simple facts that it: Happened only a few days ago (Saturday night) and involved choking which scares me to death.  We had bought a new bike and helmet for NHL and were trying the helment on to see if it was too small.  (It is.)  While we were doing this, JSL was playing on the floor about 2 feet away.  Suddenly JSL leaned forward and grunted.  I first thought he was pooping.  He hadn’t gone all day and could be constipated.  Then, B realized that he wasn’t pooping.  "He’s CHOKING!" She shouted.  Queue SCARY MOMENT #4!  I ran off to get a phone while B did the heimlich manuver and administered back blows.  We had no idea what he could be choking on, but whatever it was wasn’t coming out.  I called 911 and told them my child was choking.  JSL wasn’t responding and was quickly turning blue.

NHL, spared from the previous JSL scares by sleep or TV, was a full witness to this one.  He saw his little brother go limp and lifeless.  He saw JSL foam at the mouth.  He saw Mommy and Daddy panic as JSL wouldn’t respond.  He saw Mommy try to pry open JSL’s mouth to work her fingers inside.  She managed to do it, but then he clamped down again, trapping her fingers in his mouth.

I opened the door and looked out for the ambulence.  No sign of them.  From experience, I knew they were less than 5 minutes away, but suddenly 5 minutes seemed like an eternity.  Finally, I heard a siren.  I ran inside to tell B that the police were here.  NHL ran to the door and shouted at the officer:  "He’s here!  He’s here!  My little brother’s right there!"  The officer didn’t seem to do much to help, but luckily the emergency room personell came soon after.  They flooded the room and I was quickly pushed away from B and JSL by the crowd.  I put NHL on the couch to get him out of the way.

In a display of 5 year old coping mechanism, NHL shifted from being worried about his brother’s well-being to being upset that he couldn’t see the TV.  Then, after B’s parents arrived and were getting him ready to go to their house, he began crying.  He was upset that he’d miss Hebrew school tomorrow!  5 year old coping again.  Your mind can’t handle the big issue so focus on a small one.

B’s father took NHL to his house while B’s mother and I went to the hospital.  By this point, we knew he wasn’t choking.  After all, he would have been unconscious long before the first responders showed up.  In hind-sight, the seizure signs were all there:  Clenched jaw, convulsions (though seizing up muscles, not twitching which threw us), foaming at the mouth, etc.  Our only question was whether this was a febrile seizure (he didn’t seem sick before) or due to some head injury (see SCARY MOMENT #3).

At the hospital, we got our answer.  They took JSL’s temperature and it was 103.5.  That pointed to a febrile seizure.  They listened to his chest and looked in his ears but couldn’t figure out why he had a fever.  After some prompting, they looked in his mouth, but didn’t find anything.  They also didn’t do any blood tests.  Instead, they gave JSL some Motrin and sent us on our way.  Rest assured that an angry phone call is planned.

That’s the end of SCARY MOMENT #4, but not the end of the story.  For the rest of the story, head on over to B’s blog and read: 13 Months later – the nightmare returns, Two febrile seizures in less than 30 hours, and Spring FEVER update.

This week in Tweets

This Week in Tweets
  • New Zealand Court papers can be served via Facebook http://is.gd/nyag <= Just another reason I’m glad I don’t have a Facebook account. #
  • RT @mike_elgan: Lenovo Pocket Yoga pics leaked. Wow! I love this form factor! It’s a netbook that fits in your pocket! http://bit.ly/122AQ #
  • Things like the Pocket Lenovo make me envy hardware reviewers. I wish vendors would send me items like this to review. (*hint* *hint*) #
  • Watching Cramer vs Stewart. (Yeah, I know. Late to the game.) Cramer’s getting seriously owned! #
  • RT @mike_elgan: “MacGyver” movie in the works. http://is.gd/nz8v <= Will they film it using 2 rubberbands, a lightbulb, & some dental floss? #
  • Has an adult ever crossed the Adult-Parent line with your kid? If so, how did you handle it? http://www.techydad.com/?p=428 #
  • Twitter API’s Friendship creation method: “Befriends the user specified in the ID parameter as the authenticating user.” #twitterapi #
  • So which user winds up befriending which user? If I’m the authed user and UserX is the one in the ID param, who gets friended? #twitterapi #
  • Ok, figured it out. If I’m the authenticated user & I run this against UserX, UserX gets added to my friends list & can DM me. #
  • I was hoping it’d work the other way, but can see why it wouldn’t. It’d be too easy for spammers to auto-friend themselves & spam people. #
  • Go WOZ!! #
  • Wow, WOZ can really move! #DancingWithTheStars #
  • WOZ = WALL-E???? lol #
  • Just checked my e-mail. Arvixe has not only issued me a refund for this month due to the downtime, but given me a 50% off coupon. #
  • The 50% off coupon gives half off for a new acct for as long as the new acct is active. Tempted to open a new account & cancel my old one. #
  • I can give the coupon to friends also. Anyone interested in half price hosting? #
  • Steven Page left Barenaked Ladies? When did this happen? #
  • RT @wiifitgirl: Exclusive EA SPORTS Active demo http://tinyurl.com/c7yzaq <= This looks so cool! Looks like it’d be a great workout. #
  • “Brain Decline” begins at age 27. http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/health/7945569.stm <= I’m 33 & my brain isn’t… um.. what was I talking about? #
  • So tired. Just want to nap. Trying to be productive but my computer’s working against me again. (Randomly freezing for a min here & there.) #
  • Just copied my weigh ins from my notebook to my spreadsheet. Notebook pages get lost too easily. #
  • Started on 12/7 at 208lbs. Wanted to be 185 by Disney (5/9) – 23lbs in 22 weeks. Latest weigh in: 192.5lbs. Need to lose 7.5lbs in 7 weeks. #
  • Miscounted before. I have to lose 7.5 pounds in 8 weeks. However, 2 of those weeks involve Passover, a time when it is tough to lose weight. #
  • Rats. Cable box/DVR might be dying. We have the last eps of Pushing Daisies on it that we never watched! Might lose them. :-(#PushingDaisies #
  • I have this dream all the time. Anyone else? http://xkcd.com/557/ #
  • Buried in a ton of work, but 4:30 is almost here! #
  • Watching DVRed #Mythbusters Diet Coke and Mentos episode. When it is warmer, I want to do the Diet Coke/Mentos trick with my 5 year old! #
  • Apparently, Twitter limits the number of DMs per day. (Around 250.) Prob won’t hit it but I might still make my Twitter App e-mail only. #
  • Found out Zazzle lets you make custom ties. Thinking a Twitter Fail Whale tie would be hilarious! It tiles the image too. Looks really cool. #
  • Zazzle tie would cost $29.95. Bit pricey for a tie, I think, but the Fail Whale tie looks so cool. #
  • Ralph Yarro (from SCO, failed co that tried to sue Linux) wants to force all porn sites off Port 80. Someone please tell him it won’t work. #
  • In case you’re wondering why it wouldn’t, 2 questions: 1) Who defines what’s porn & what isn’t? 2) How do you enforce it outside the USA? #
  • 50 days until our Disney World vacation. Can’t wait! #
  • Has anyone else seen Google’s logo today? Eric Carle’s Hungry Little Caterpillar! #
  • Feeling shaky. I think that means it’s lunchtime. #
  • Commenter on my blog: “This is not important information for me.” Then why read and post a reply to my article? #
  • NHL’s adnoids are fine so he won’t need surgery. Still need to somehow help him to sleep better at night. #
  • Had to go to the ER w/ JSL just now. Wasn’t sure if he was choking at first & then he seized. 103.5 temp came out of nowhere. #
  • He’s medicated & home now sleeping. Temp down to 100.8 (last rectal @ hospital, 98 if our ear thermometer can be believed). #
  • This is JSL’s 2nd seizure. Unfortunately, NHL was right there during the whole thing. #
  • NHL initially panicked seeing mommy & daddy panic & JSL going limp. When 1st responders came, he got upset they blocked his view of the TV. #
  • Then he cried he couldn’t go to Hebrew School tomorrow. 5yr old coping at work. Worry about small things so you don’t think of the big thing #

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Your Spouse is Not A Child

Family, Marriage, Parenting

Tyler, from Building Camelot tweeted about an article titled Parenting techniques to try on your Spouse by Fernanda Moore.  In it, the author, upset that her husband hasn’t filled the ice trays, decides to try five parenting techniques that she has used on her children on her husband.  Overall, I found the article quite insulting in that it depicted husbands as being unable to do anything unless the wife "manages" them.  Marriage should be a partnership, not one member controlling the other member’s actions.  (Think about how insulted people would get if the article was a husband using parenting techniques to control his wife’s behavior.)  With a bit of modification, though, these rules might actually work.

Strategy No. 1: Reward good behavior

When my wife and I were first married, our lives revolved around each other.  I was the most important person in her life and she was the most important person in mine.  When NHL was born, it was a transition for me to accept that I was no longer #1.  I wasn’t even #2 (my wife was).  I was #3.  As time went on, I felt myself slipping down the ladder of importance even more.  At times, it seems that I only get my wife’s full attention is when I mess something up or don’t do it at all.  If I do something well, I sometimes feel like I might as well be invisible.

I would love for my "good behavior" to be rewarded, however, Mrs. Moore used it to control her husbands actions.  When she got to sleep in one morning, she rewarded her husband’s good behavior (by praising him) in an attempt to get him to "perform properly" more times.  (i.e. Get him to allow her to sleep in more often.)  When he didn’t "perform right" (he inquired about alternating weekends) she got angry that her attempts to control his actions didn’t work.

A proper use of this strategy would involve praising good behavior without expecting your spouse to "perform right."  If a spouse (or anyone for that matter) is praised when they get it right, it helps to offset the times when they don’t and helps the relationship overall.

Strategy No. 2: Keep it brief

In this strategy, she insults her husband’s intellect by assuming that he can only perform an action if she sets up the entire thing (puts everything in place, puts the tools out, etc) and gives him short, simple commands ("Baby gates? Today? Install?").  For a child, yes, they might understand the shorter commands better, but husbands are not children.  We do have adult-level intellects and will resent being treated like babies.  A better modification of this might be to keep your "honey do" list brief.  Don’t ask us to fix every last little thing, especially when we’re not in a position to do it right away, and then complain when we don’t do it all.  Strategy #1 applies here as well.  If you ask us to do 10 things and we do 9 of them, praise us for the 9 we did, don’t ignore those and berate us for the 1 we didn’t do.

Strategy No. 3: The time-out

Here’s where Mrs. Moore got ridiculous.  During an argument, she tried to apply the Time Out principal to her husband and yelled at him "go to your room."  She quickly realized that there was no way for her to force her husband into his room for a timeout.  She just doesn’t have that kind of authority over him.  (Neither would he have that authority over her.)  In the end, she "modified" the rule so that she confined herself to their room for awhile.  Perhaps this is the better application of a "time out."  If you sense that an argument is getting too heated, take a time out.  It is better to cool off for awhile than to say something that you’ll regret later.  (And, if an argument is heated enough, you *will* say something you regret.)

Strategy No. 4: Give quality time to get quality time

In this strategy, she wants to take a bath and he wants to play a game with her.  She tries distraction and various other techniques to get out of it, but finally decides to give him 15 minutes in an attempt to placate him enough so that he won’t object to time by herself.  Now I won’t deny my wife her "me" time.  I need "me" time every now and then also.  However, as a husband, I could also use some time with my wife where we aren’t acting as parents but as just husband and wife.  And no, the time doesn’t need to be spent doing activities that are X-rated in nature… not that those are bad, mind you.

As I said before, I sometimes feel like I’m at the bottom of the ladder when it comes to my wife.  I’m sure she feels the same way with me from time to time.  It would be nice to have a little quality time with each other.  And it would be nice if that quality time was, unlike Mrs. Moore’s, not an attempt to do the bare minimum required to placate me.

Strategy No. 5: Creative discipline

In this one, Mrs. Moore sits down with her "disobedient" husband (guity of the crime of being late) to "figure out together how he should atone and, ultimately, change the behavior."  In some ways, this is good:  They sit down and have a talk about the situation instead of her yelling at him for being late every day.  If the discussion is phrased properly, this can actually be a good thing.  However, Mrs. Moore’s intention was to use this discussion time not to work out their differences, but to bring his behavior back in line with what she demands.  In other words, he’s nothing more than a disobiedient child to her that she needs to lecture about doing what she tells him to do.  The discussion should be a discussion of equals, not a "parent spouse" talking to the "child spouse."

In the end, only twisting the rules around makes them a good idea.  As employed by Mrs. Moore, the rules are insulting and demeaning.  Instead of treating your husband (or wife) like a child whose behavior needs to be carefully controlled, why not treat them like an equal partner in the marriage?  Sit down and talk calmly with them.  Spend some quality, non-parent time with them.  Let them know when things that they do make you happy.  But never, ever, think of them as a disobedient child.

Autism, Amish, and Logical Fallacies

Medical, Science

There was a post on ProActiveDads.com today referencing an article about the Amish and Autism.  The article claimed that the Amish don’t raise their children and also don’t have any instances of Autism.  This, the article implied, was proof that vaccines caused (or at least were somehow linked to) autism.  Something about their reasoning didn’t sound right to me, so I did some digging.  It wasn’t hard.  A simple Google search for "autism Amish" turned up another article.  This article pointed out that many Amish do indeed vaccinate and that there are autistic Amish.  Their rates may appear lower, but there’s a reason for that:

[Dr. Kevin Strauss, MD, a pediatrician at the CSC] says a child in the general population is more likely to have autism detected early and to receive a diagnosis than an Amish child. "Amish child may not be referred to an MD or psychologist because the child is managed in the community, where they have special teachers," he says. "We know autism when we see it, but we don’t go actively into the Amish community and screen for ASD."

So the Amish aren’t as likely to take their children to the doctors who would diagnose the child as autisic.  Since the child wouldn’t be diagnosed, the autistic Amish child wouldn’t be listed in the statistics and the Amish would appear to have few, if any, cases of autism.

However, there’s a deeper flaw in the original Amish-Autism article that goes beyond lack of facts.  Even if the Amish didn’t vaccinate and even if the Amish had a lower, or even zero, rate of autism, that wouldn’t mean that vaccinations cause autism.  Correlation does not imply causation.  There are a lot of other factors that could lower the Amish rate of autism (assuming still that it was indeed lowered and not a statistical fluke caused by low reporting numbers).  Perhaps all the fresh air helps the development of the brain.  Perhaps working in a field has some benefit.  Perhaps the Amish simply tend to reproduce within their own community and their gene pool doesn’t contain as many genetic risk factors for autism.

To put the Correlation-Causation link another way, imagine a study that was made counting the number of firefighters at a blaze and how big the fire was.  You’d be sure to find out that there were more firefighters at the biggest fires.  If correlation equaled causation, you might conclude that firefighters caused fires and a lot of firefighters caused BIG fires.  In truth, the cause of the fires would be completely unrelated to the firefighters’ presence.

The Internet is a great resouce, but with the good information comes misinformation.  One must always take articles one reads online with a grain of salt and a critical eye especially if said article claims a conspiracy theory (that the author somehow uncovered despite the best efforts of the hugely powerful conspirators) or a scientific breakthrough found out by someone who hasn’t had (or won’t have) their work peer reviewed.  If the author is claiming a scientific conspiracy to keep something quiet, then your BS detector should be blaring sirens and flashing red warning lights like crazy.

The autism-vaccine link has been looked into multiple times and, save for a few isolated instances, no link has been found.  (One of the major studies used to back up the autism-vaccine claim was recently accused of falsifying data.)  If multiple studies don’t uncover a clear pattern, then any outliers that seem to indicate links are likely the result of other factors.

No, we don’t know everything about autism, but a few things are clear:  1) Vaccines protect us from dangerous diseases.  Look up Polio one day.  Images like this one have all but vanished in our modern world thanks to vaccines.  2) Not vaccinating your child puts them at risk.  Many diseases (e.g. measles) are making comebacks thanks to a growing number of unvaccinated children.  You can’t simply not vaccinate and trust that your child will always be surrounded by vaccinated children.  3) Children are exposed to millions of germs every day.  The one to five that they get in one vaccine is nothing for their immune system.  It is certainly preferable that they be exposed to the vaccine versions of the germs (which are mostly incapable of causing the disease) rather than be exposed to the full disease-causing version.

The Death of a Dream and The Adult-Parent Line

Family, NHL, Parenting

We went to my sister’s house this past weekend to celebrate my two nephews’ birthdays.  We had a reasonably good time, but there were two snags.

The first involved my older nephew (who we’ll call A).  He just turned 5 and wasn’t playing nicely with NHL or JSL.  For example, he has one of those pop-up play tents.  At one point, NHL, JSL and I were inside it together.  He walked up and pushed the tent over on us.  Then, when JSL walked out of the tent, A pushed him down so his head hit a table.  After making sure JSL was ok (he was), I politely told A that that wasn’t nice and JSL could have been hurt.  A responded by putting his foot on my face (yes, touching!) and saying "Smell my feet!"  Then he stuck his tongue out at me.  NHL told A that he was being bad and had to go to a timeout.  I corrected NHL by telling him that only A’s mommy or daddy could send him to a timeout.  I couldn’t do that and NHL certainly couldn’t.

NHL had said that he didn’t want to come to the party because he remembered A being mean to him at last year’s party.  Now he’s totally convinced that he doesn’t want to have anything to do with A.  This saddens me.  When I was growing up, my family was never very close.  My youngest cousin was 5 years older than me and we saw them only once per year.  To this day, I’m ashamed to admit that I can’t tell all of my cousins apart.  I wouldn’t be able to name their wives and kids if you made it multiple choice!  When I was a child, I made a pledge to myself that my sister and I would be different.  We would see each other often and our kids would play together.

The reality, however, is that we only get together once or twice a year.  When we do, our kids don’t play well together.  A & NHL are seven months apart, so age shouldn’t be *that* much of a factor.  NHL is going to be even more leery of spending time with A now and it really pains me.  I’m just glad that they get along with their cousin on my wife’s side.

But the bad playtime between NHL and A wasn’t the worst incident that day.  That distinction goes to my sister’s husband’s friend S.  She is, as my parents put it, "bossy," but what she did transcended bossy and crossed a line.  She threatened my child with punishment if he didn’t perform an action.  Specifically, she told him he wouldn’t get any cake if he didn’t help clean up.  (This is one example.  She did this many times that day.)  Not only did she do this, but NHL was already helping to clean up.  (Which couldn’t be said for A.)  And, just to toss some additional salt in the wound, she did this while B was standing directly in front of her!  B was dumbstruck by the audacity of a person who wasn’t NHL’s parent or teacher… who wasn’t even a RELATIVE of NHL, threatening to punish NHL *RIGHT IN FRONT OF HIS MOTHER*!

Can you tell I’m really mad about this?  After the party, I told NHL that what she did was wrong.  Adults can and should help control situations with kids.  If you see a kid running or beating up another kid, you’re more than welcome to stop the action and tell the child that said action is wrong/dangerous.  That’s called being an adult.  You can ask my child to help clean up a mess.  That’s being an adult also.  But telling my child that not doing what they say will result in the loss of something is crossing the line.  Only parents (and a few others) can do this.

Not only are her punishment threats hollow (would she have seriously kept us from giving him cake?!!), but they weaken any punishment threats we might make.  NHL might reason that S told him he couldn’t have cake and yet he had cake, therefore, when Daddy says "No TV", he can watch TV anyway.  She’s lucky that we were too shocked to actually respond.  Next time, I assure you, we will respond and will put her in her place.

How do you handle it when your children don’t get along with close relatives?  Have you ever had an adult cross that parental punishment line?  How did you react?

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